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Astrology for Beginners

A Basic Overview of Astrology
Astrology presupposes that the positions of the planets show the spirit of the time, which is imprinted on us at birth. The stars do not control anything, but they reflect the state of the world. For our purposes, there are ten heavenly bodies of critical importance, plus a number of non-physical bodies and mathematical points, like the horizon at birth.
These bodies are...
The Sun: The spirit, will, and ego. Most people only know their Sun sign, because it's in the same place every year (since Earth goes around the Sun; this would more accurately be called the Earth sign). Ruler of Leo.
The Moon: The physical body, instincts, and emotions. For those born at night, the Moon is actually more important than the Sun. Ruler of Cancer.
Mercury: The intellect, communication style, and perception. Ruler of Gemini and Virgo.
Venus: Harmony, the arts, and love. Known as the Lesser Benefic, since it's a positive planet, but can be a problem. Ruler of Taurus and Libra.
Mars: Aggression, sex, energy, and our conflict style. Known as the Lesser Malefic, since it's generally, but not always, a problem. Ruler of Aries and Scorpio. 
Jupiter: Planet of philosophy, religion, politics and the "higher mind" (general theory versus sense information, which is Mercury and to some extent Venus). Also of luck, optimism, expansion and overconfidence. The Great Benefic, but can be a problem. Ruler of Sagittarius and Pisces.
Saturn: Planet of fear, limitation, organization, discipline, and all the unhappy necesssities of life. What Jupiter expands, Saturn contracts. The Great Malefic, but a strength for some people. Ruler of Capricorn and Aquarius.
Uranus: A slow-moving planet associated with genius, eccentricity, rebellion, and disruption.
Neptune:  A slow-moving planet associated with imagination, dreams, ego death (and drug abuse), and delusion.
Pluto: Another slow planet associated with transformation, raw power, regeneration, death, and atrocity.
The Ascendant: The degree on the horizon at the moment of birth.
The Midheaven: The middle of the sky, where planets are said to "culminate." Another very important non-physical body.
The Moon's Nodes: Mathematical eclipse points, the North Node shows where we need to grow as people, the South Node reflects what comes naturally to us and the path of least resistance.

Each planet will be found in a sign. These are:
Aries: The sign of beginnings, of brash individuality. The newborn. Fearless, impulsive, naive, good-natured and impatient. I adore them. It is Fire and Cardinal. Opposite Libra, the sign of compromise. Daytime home of Mars.
Taurus: the sign of rest and inertia. The grazing bull that can't be roused, but also can't be stopped when it charges. It always takes time to appreciate the finer things. Earth and Fixed. Opposite Scorpio, the sign of emotional intensity. Night-time home of Venus
Gemini: the sign of communication, of learning new things and seeing other points of view. It's flighty, a bit flaky, fun, and often comedic. Air and Mutable. Opposite Sagittarius, sign of truth-seeking. Day-time home of Mercury.
Cancer: the sign of the tides and constant change. They're moody, torn between clinging to what's in their grasp and going away with the tide. Male Cancers hate their horoscopes because they're always written as if all Cancers are mother-figures. Water and Cardinal. Ruled by the Moon. Opposite Capricorn, the sign of careful and unemotional action.
Leo: the sign of kings and people who think they are kings. Proud, theatrical, enthusiastic, stubborn (like all fixed signs), and often very generous to their loyal subjects. Fire and Fixed. Ruled by the Sun. Opposite Aquarius, the sign of the odd duck in a community (versus the king in his castle).
Virgo: the sign of analysis, risk assessment and accountancy. Neurotic, nerdy, and always hoping to please, I have a soft spot for the geeks. Earth and Mutable. Mercury spends its nights here. Opposite Pisces, the sign of starry-eyed dreamers.
Libra: the sign of compromise, cooperation and harmony. Libras are very fair people, and they hate awkwardness and causing scenes. Air and Cardinal. Daytime abode of Venus. Opposite Aries, the pushy bastard that can't account for others' needs.
Scorpio: sign of emotional extremes, power struggles, the occult and death. Scorpios usually don't live up their fearsome reputations, usually just being frustrated geeks that can't take the world not taking them seriously. Some are awesome. Water and Fixed. Mars crashes here for the night. Opposite Taurus, who just wants to smell the roses and gorge on grass (of one variety of another).
Sagittarius: the explorer, the philosopher, the hypocrite and the town party animal. Sagittarians are great at seeing the big picture, not so great at the details (like Pisces, the other Jupiter-ruled sign). This leads to a surplus of halfcocked theories and behavior that doesn't always reflect their ideals. Fire and Mutable. This is Jupiter's daytime bachelor pad. Opposite Gemini, the man on the street just trying to figure out what people think instead of philosophizing about what the should think.
Capricorn: Originally a sea-monster, now thought of as a goat. What a demotion. Capricorns hate being demoted, though this may be an evolution for it. This is the sign of striving to find more solid ground, a more elevated place. From the oceans to the land and up to the mountains.  Capricorns are careful climbers, organized, pessimistic and conservative by nature. They act on facts. Earth and Cardinal. Saturn hangs out here by night, probably doing his taxes. Opposite Cancer the Crab, the emotional sea critter that can't decide if it prefers the sand or the ocean.
Aquarius: the water-bearer. The person that first figured out how to irrigate fields was probably one of these. Aquarius is the individual within a society. They usually have schemes on how to improve it. They're intellectual, aloof and rather odd. Air and Fixed. Saturn's daytime workplace. Opposite Leo, the sign of the pleased individual that already has all he wants.
Pisces: the dreamer, the mystic, the compassionate sucker for a sob story, and the drunk with the sob stories. If Aquarius wants to improve the world through human reason, Pisces wants to improve it with hugs. Some are brilliant thinkers, others are just suckers. Mutable Water. Jupiter dreams here at night. Opposite Virgo, the affable people pleaser that wants to dot the i's and cross the t's.

Each planet in a given sign is found in a house, which is derived from the Ascendant. The next sign in order from the Ascendant is the 2nd house, second from the Ascendant is 3rd, and so forth. There are 12 houses in all. They are:
1st: The house containing the Ascendant (or horizon), this is the house of the self-identity. A very powerful place; any planet here will impact all other houses. Mercury rejoices here
2nd: House of possessions, money, and what we value.
3rd: House of spirituality, communication, siblings. The Moon rejoices here.
4th: Usually containing the Nadir (opposite the Midheaven), this is the "midnight" position of planets. Another very powerful house, usually associated with family and home, but it's far more than that. Any planet here will be opposite the 10th (career) house, so they can impact the career too.
5th: The Joy of Venus, this is the house of creativity, romance, children, and all things pleasurable.
6th: Joy of Mars, the house of day-to-day work, injury, and disease. Planets here are very weak.
7th: The Descendant (opposite the Ascendant) is always here. The planet of relationships to others in general, but especially the marriage partner.
8th: House of death, taxes, and other people's money (such as inheritance, or the marriage partner's money). Many associations with sorcery.
9th: The Joy of the Sun, the house of religion, philosophy, politics, foreigners and long-distance travel. Also higher education.
10th: The house of career and public image. The Midheaven is usually but not always here. Any planet in the 10th is very strong, as it's close to the Noon position for that planet.
11th: The Joy of Jupiter, any planet here is made more benevolent and powerful. Associated with friendship, group memberships, ideals, and causes.
12th: Saturn's Joy, and nothing good comes of this house. The house of insanity, institutions (like mental wards and prisons), and the ways we fuck ourselves over. If the 6th is bad things happening to our bodies, the 12th is bad things happening to our minds. Any planet here is weakened and made more malevolent, save Saturn, which grows stronger, but also more malicious.

A few other key concepts to keep in mind:
Sect: Whether a chart is a day or night birth. Sun, Jupiter and Saturn are daytime planets and enhanced by day, but made worse at night. Moon, Venus, and Mars are nocturnal, and stronger by night, but worse behaved at day. Mercury is variable, and the modern planets have no agreed upon sect nature; I suspect Neptune is day, Pluto is night, and Uranus  belongs to whatever sect Mercury isn't. Night planets by day should be below the horizon, as should day planets by night. Above the horizon is always better for planets at the appropriate time.
Retrograde: A planet appearing to move backwards. Often considered a weakness, but I think they're more just bad-tempered, rather than inherently weak.
Oriental: A planet rising ahead of the Sun. Oriental planets, visible just before the Sun rose that day, are heightened in power.
Occidental: A planet rising after the Sun. Usually weakened, but if they're above the horizon in a night chart, not so much.
Singleton: A planet being the only representative of certain groupings of signs, like the only Water sign planet. Singletons are powerful, and become points of obsession and major themes in the life.
Triplicity: The 4 elements; Fire, Earth, Air, Water. Each is ruled by 3 planets:
Fire: Sun by day, Jupiter by night, assisted by Saturn
Water: Venus by day, Mars by night, assisted by the Sun by day or Moon by night (my theory; most ascribe the Moon to both day and night)
Air: Saturn by day, Mercury by night, assisted by Jupiter
Earth: Venus by day, Moon by night, assisted by Mars.
Halfway through life, the element's duties get taken over by the ruler out of sect. Like Sun in Leo (a fire sign) in a night chart has the primary ruler of Jupiter for the first half, then the Sun. This can show off people change over time.

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